


(you'll never) leave your lover

by Akane21



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cheating, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Love/Hate, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 20:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16374587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akane21/pseuds/Akane21
Summary: Hidan wants them both - and Hidanalwaysgets what he wants.





	(you'll never) leave your lover

When Temari encounters Hidan for the first time, their meeting is brief – yet it leaves an impact on her forever; even though she doesn’t realize it at first.

She, Gaara and Kankuro are on their way to chuunin exams then; a couple days away from Konoha, they decide to stay in an inn, and that is the night Temari’s whole life comes crashing down.

At least she starts to think so after a few years.

On that night she can’t sleep because of the weather – it’s too hot, nights in Suna are much colder – and she goes out, hoping to feel a bit better. She stumbles upon Hidan by accident – she literally stumbles upon him, almost making him fall. He curses loudly at her and then laughs as Temari watches him confusedly.

She notes the unusual silver-gray color of his hair, a strange necklace he’s wearing – and a hitai-ate with scratched out Yugakure symbol on it.

A missing-nin, Temari realizes and steps back, reaching for her fan, ready to defend herself.

But Hidan – whose name she doesn’t know yet  – isn’t going to attack. On the contrary, he offers to keep her company; and they wander the night town together. At first Temari keeps her guard up, but as time passes, she relaxes – whoever Hidan is, he’s not a threat to her at the moment.

She finds him funny and somewhat attractive – though she stops herself before these thoughts go too far. At the same time, she finds him crazy – only a madman would claim with such a serious look that he’s immortal because some god gave him power. Temari lets doubt show on her face – and Hidan grabs her hands, squeezes her palms tightly and says, “You don’t believe me? Want me to prove it to you?”

Temari nods – and Hidan stabs his heart with a spike.

_And doesn’t die._

His mad laughter echoes in her ears as she runs – she runs, not looking back, runs away from him, as far as possible.

 

Back then, she couldn’t imagine that they would ever meet again. But they do.

 

It happens almost three years later, when Temari thinks she’s long forgotten Hidan and ever knowing him.

Nevertheless, she recognizes him right away when she sees him.

On that day, she and Kankuro are on a mission; separated by enemies, they lose sight of each other, and Temari is on her own, facing off against at least a dozen strong shinobi. She’s not one bit afraid, the adrenaline of the fight overshadows all other emotions, but she knows for sure – she won’t win.

Still, she keeps on fighting, managing to take down two of her opponents before she’s cornered – and even then she’s not going to give up.

As a few of the enemies suddenly collapse on the ground, struck by a single powerful attack, Temari doesn’t understand what’s happening at first. Then she sees a man in black cloak with red clouds on it – the Akatsuki, she realizes – and prepares for another stage of fight; at least, she thinks, she’ll only to have to face one enemy now, even if he is probably much stronger.

Then Temari sees his face.

Hidan hasn’t changed a bit, though his hair seems a little longer, but except that – it’s as if a ghost from her past is standing before her now. Temari shivers, stepping back – but there’s a wall right behind her, and there’s nowhere to run.

Hidan finishes off the remaining enemies in mere seconds, barely breaking a sweat, and turns to her.

 “And so we meet again,” he grins, and Temari is surprised that he remembered her.

She wants to say something, but no word comes to mind. There’s no use fighting – Hidan is so much stronger, she’ll definitely lose.

He comes closer to her, making her press her back into the cold stone in a pointless attempt to keep some distance from him.

Temari has always considered herself brave, but now her hands are trembling, and her legs are shaking. This fear is close to what she’d felt before, when Gaara would lose control of his bijuu.

But there’s no Gaara here now – there is only Hidan, pressing her to the wall. His breath is hot against her skin, his hands are strong on her body, Temari has nowhere to run – and she isn’t sure if she wants to. Fear is mixed with some weird feeling that’s freezing her in place.

For some reason, Temari remembers Shikamaru and his light smirk. Betrayal? She never promised him anything.

That childish feeling, barely even formed, one that would be naive to call love – it’s passed, faded over the years, leaving only fogged memories behind.

Temari raises her head and looks Hidan in the eye.

He’s silent, grinning, looming over her, and yes – this scares her, because he’s stronger, more skilled and can kill her in a moment if he wants to.

At the same time, Temari is certain Hidan won’t harm her – why did he rescue her, then?

She doesn’t even notice that she says it aloud. Hidan shrugs, leaning a little closer.

 “I fucking wish I knew it myself,” he says. “But I didn’t want you to die.”

Temari can’t help but smile – he’s the same as when they first met. And this... attracts her, like it did that time.

She barely realizes how is it that the next second Hidan is kissing her – it’s hard and rough, as if conquering her – and she submits, gives into him.

Temari throws her arms around his neck, responding eageraly, forgetting everything – the mission, Kankuro who’s probably looking for her – right now, there’s only two of them.

Hidan pulls away, smiles, sly and sneering, kisses her neck – runs his tongue along the pulsing vein, bites into the skin, and the slight pain makes Temari wince – but she doesn’t stop him.

Hidan stops himself suddenly, looks at her, his breathing heavy – smiles again.

 “Temari-chan, huh?” he asks. “See ya later.” He brushes off some strands of hair from her forehead and straightens, stepping away.

 “What’s wrong?” Temari looks at him challengingly and somewhat – even though she tries to hide it – resentfully.

 “I ain’t really in the mood for more fighting now,” Hidan replies honestly.

Only now Temari senses someone’s chakra somewhere nearby. Kankuro. Of course.

The realization of how much stronger Hidan really is, having noticed his approach long before her, floods over her.

 “I’ll find you myself,” he says. “You’ll wait for me, right?”

And without waiting for an answer, he disappears; so quickly as though he was never here.

Temari brushes her fingers over the bite on her neck, still a bit painful to the touch.

She won’t admit that even to herself – but she will wait.

 

Hidan finds her – almost a month after, in a small town between Suna and Konoha. Temari doesn’t expect this meeting, but she’s glad – and she rushes into his arms without a second thought.

She tells herself it means nothing; that they simply relieve the tension, and what they get from each other is no more than mutual pleasure – but deep inside she knows that she’s making the greatest mistake in her life.

Hidan is allied with the Akatsuki – he’s not just a missing-nin, which would be somewhat justifiable. And the Akatsuki threaten the whole world; two of them had nearly killed Gaara; Temari has all the reasons to hate them. Them, but not Hidan.

Temari tells herself that Hidan never did anything to her or her loved ones that would make her hate him – but these words don’t really comfort her. She can’t know that for sure; and still.

She can’t really answer the question ‘why’. Hidan is handsome; but Temari has met many handsome men in her life. Hidan is strong, but she’s met strong men, too. At first sight, there’s nothing special in him, but his looks, his smiles, his touches still draw her to him.

Temari doesn’t just like the sex – she likes the way Hidan holds her, muttering awkward and not at all sophisticated compliments after; the way he strokes and tangles his  fingers in her loose hair, saying that it suits her much better; the way he calls her ‘Temi-chan’ in moments of tenderness – no one ever shortened her name like this before, but she likes when Hidan calls her that. She likes when he tells her about his god – his religion is strange and violent, but the way Hidan speaks about it is so genuine and passionate that Temari could listen to him for hours. She even likes when he’s complaining in his usual manner about his ‘colleagues’ from the Akatsuki, his partner, the Leader – though none of his complaints ever give away any detail that could hint at who the other members are or where their bases might be located.

Temari is a bit disheartened by it – but she’s still amazed how this seemingly reckless fool is so good at hiding whatever information that might harm him.

She’s glad he never gives her a reason to.

 

This meeting doesn’t become their last – only one of many, as they cross paths on the missions about a dozen times in the following months.

Mostly it’s Hidan finding her, as if he’s looking for her on purpose, but sometimes it’s Temari.

Hidan always seems so happy whenever they meet, almost accidentally at times – and he has that annoying, but damn cute habit (no, Temari will never admit it aloud) to lift her in his arms and carry all the way to the hotel room (or to the bed, if he gets inside the room through the window).

Temari smiles to these thoughts but forces them away immediately.

Now is not the best time to think of Hidan – she better rest, because tomorrow she has a long way back to Suna. The Akatsuki are up to something, and they should act –

Now more than ever Temari realizes that she has to end this. An open confrontation is imminent, and there’ll be a time when she and Hidan will meet on the battlefield, even though neither of them wants it to come to that.

It’s better if what they have ends fast, until they get attached to each other too much.

 “Temari-chan,” she hears a familiar voice coming from the door and turns her head.

 “Why are you here?” She tries to sound indifferent, but her voice betrays her.

Hidan grins, comes up to her quickly and pulls her into a tight embrace.

 “I fucking missed you,” he exhales into her neck, and a shiver runs through her.

Hidan smells like blood and sweat, and _also_ like something – _someone_ – unfamiliar. Thick, heavy scent of recent pleasure that she wouldn’t confuse with anything; and Temari wouldn’t be surprised if she knew that Hidan came to her right after meeting with some other woman. Carefully, she touches his lips – swollen, bitten, still wearing traces of someone else’s kisses.

Temari isn’t sure what she wants to do now, Shout at him? Kick him out without a word? Burst out crying?

How could she be so naive, she thinks gloomily, how could she trust – whom? A criminal, a murderer, a bastard like him?

Hidan seems to sense the change in her, moves away to look her in the eye.

 “What is it?”

 “Is there... nothing you want to tell me?” Temari asks, though it takes her some effort.

Hidan raises his eyebrow. His eyes are laughing, and there’s no guilt in them; it’s expected, but still... unpleasant.

 “Did you think you were the only one I fucked?” his careless tone almost breaks her apart.

And she snarls back – ineptly, awkwardly. “Not at all.”

 “Aw, you did,” Hidan taps her nose as if she’s a kid. “So fucking naive. You’re both so dumb, you and him.”

‘Him’.

Temari automatically notes this word, remembers it.

Not that she cares who _exactly_ Hidan’s fucking except her.

It’s clear enough – she’s not the one for him.

Temari yanks him at herself, kisses him angrily, passionately, bites his lip so hard it bleeds, ignoring his displeased groan. What does she care, really. She feels nothing but desire towards Hidan.

His life outside the hotel room isn’t her business, and the same is true the other way around.

She doesn’t care.

 

Temari almost manages to convince herself in this – that she doesn’t care what happens to him, at all.

He could even die, she won’t bat an eye.

 

But the next time she stumbles upon Hidan is when he’s wounded – and she can’t help but feel fear suffocating her.

_Oh, she does care._

It’s strange that before, no matter how serious his injuries were, they’d be healed in a few minutes at most – this immortality of his, nonsense which turned out to be quite real.

Now he’s hurt again – Temari sees that his wounds aren’t even starting to heal; and there’s a cut on his face, visibly swollen. Hidan’s swaying from side to side, almost falling to the ground; he falls into her arms instead when she gets close enough.

 “Temari,” he mutters incoherently, “Fuck, that’s-” and he’s unconscious, his body limp in her embrace.

Temari isn’t a medic, but it’s not hard to realize that the wounds aren’t the reason for Hidan’s condition; it has to be a poison or some weird jutsu. This guess isn’t really helping much – she can’t help Hidan anyway, and who knows what will happen to him. Temari has no idea how far does his immortality go – what if Hidan can die?

The sheer thought makes her shudder, because Hidan... Hidan mustn’t die, he mustn’t. But what can she do?

They’re in the middle of the forest, about half a day away from the nearest town. Even if there’s a medical nin there (which Temari doubts) – would they agree to help someone like Hidan? What’s more important, will Hidan make it?

She strokes his wet and messy hair, lifts him a bit, putting his arm around her shoulder, and is ready to take off – when Hidan says weakly, barely audibly,

 “Other... way,” he sucks in a ragged breath, “Kakuzu’s there...” He waves his hand, gesturing somewhere behind his back.

 “Who? Is that your partner?” Temari asks, but Hidan doesn’t reply, passed out again.

There’s no choice – Temari turns around, going in the vague direction he gave her.

Before, she’d never approach anyone from the Akatsuki willingly.

But Hidan needs help she’s unable to provide him.

 

Temari doesn’t find Hidan’s partner – he finds her, sensing her approach. He appears in front of her, seemingly from nowhere, and Temari nearly jumps back instinctively to escape the possible attack.

But he doesn’t attack – he looks at her with confusion, then turns his eyes to Hidan, still unconscious in her arms.

Temari studies him closely – his face covered with a mask, a forehead protector with crossed out symbol of Taki, a familiar Akatsuki cloak. He seems strong – an opponent she’ll stand no chance against.

And there’s a strange expression in his eyes Temari can’t quite read. Surprise, yes – and something else.

But now is definitely not the time to wonder what he’s thinking.

 “Are you Kakuzu?” Temari asks, remembering the name Hidan called.

 “Yes,” he replies sharply. “Who the hell are you?”

Temari pauses for a moment, thinking; she’s not certain if it’s wise to reveal their relationship. On the other hand, there’s not much sense in hiding it, too.

She chooses to say simply, “I’m Hidan’s friend.”

 “Friend,” Kakuzu repeats, as though he doesn’t believe her. “What happened to him?”

 “No idea,” Temari says honestly. “He was in a bad condition when I met him... told me to find you.” She adds, almost desperate, “You’ll help him, right?”

Kakuzu stares at her with his strange eyes for some time; but then nods, coming close to her. Temari can’t help but shudder when he’s too close – who knows, he might consider her a threat and kill her to avoid any problem – but he just takes Hidan from her arms to lay him on the ground carefully.

He kneels next to Hidan, studies him intently; frowns at realizing something. Runs a hand along his cheek for some reason, and it’s almost gentle. Whispers quietly, but still clear for her to hear, ‘such an idiot, why did you take the hit’.

Temari looks away as realization comes over her.

Well, she might be a little bit embarrassed – and she also wants to laugh. She remembers Hidan’s scornful words about their... naivety; well, it seems he’ll have to deal with his other lover now.

But it’s not Temari’s concern; right now, the only thing important to her is that Hidan’s going to be alright.

He is, right?

 “He’s not that easy to kill,” as if reading her mind, Kakuzu says. “He’ll be fine by the morning.”

 “Good,” Temari exhales, relieved. “Good.”

She wants to stay by Hidan’s side a little longer, but Kakuzu seems to have other plans.

 “I would kill you,” he doesn’t even turn his head to look at Temari. He seems frustrated – he definitely understood everything too, and he’s not happy about it. “But Hidan won’t forgive me if I do. Get lost.”

He doesn’t need to tell her twice; no matter how strong Temari is, she won’t win against a shinobi of his level.

And she did everything she could – Hidan’s safe, he’ll get help.

And all this foolish drama... she has no need for it.

Neither she, nor Hidan gave any promises to each other.

_But still, all that makes her... uncomfortable._

 

Since that day, she loses sight of Hidan for a long while – and she even stops counting days after a certain point.

Though she somehow knows – senses that he’s alright – and doesn’t look for him.

She hopes they won’t meet again, and at the same time she secretly wants it.

Temari doesn’t want to admit that, but she misses him so much – even though it’s wrong, even though she knows their relationship was doomed from the start; they’re enemies, and what they had... it couldn’t be justified with anything.

Perhaps it’s for the best if it ends this way; without awkward explanations, just like nothing ever happened.

She’ll still miss him, but the pain will fade in time, and everything will return to how it was before – how it should be.

She is wrong again – just like many times before.

 

They do meet again.

 

Temari has troubles explaining to herself what has made her interrupt the mission and head here – this weird, unclear anticipation of _something_ , and equally weird, illogical realization that it’s about Hidan.

She doesn’t know if it’s possible that the bond between them is stronger than she thought it was – that it’s the reason she is certain where she needs to go.

Following the faint traces of his chakra, Temari suddenly senses something familiar – and no, it’s not Hidan; or it’s not just him.

Shikamaru, she realizes; but what is he doing here?

All the questions become unimportant when Temari gets to the rare open place in the middle of thick forest – and sees Hidan tied up and Shikamaru standing next to him with a lighter in his hand.

At first she doesn’t understand what’s going on, but as she looks closely, she notices: these aren’t ropes binding Hidan, but a string with explosive tags attached to it; and there can be no doubt about what Shikamaru is about to do.

Temari doesn’t think when she shouts, “Shikamaru, stop!”

And he stops mid-swing, shudders, turning around to face her, and there’s sheer shock in his eyes.

 “Temari?” He looks at her, unable to believe what he sees, “What are you-”

Without a word, she runs to him and grabs the lighter from his hand – it’s probably due to the shock and surprise that he allows her to do that, not even trying to resist.

 “Temi-chan,” Hidan grins, showing his bloodied teeth, laughs weakly – but still happily. “You’re just in time.”

Shikamaru looks back at Hidan and at Temari again; furrows his thin brows, purses his lips. “You two know each other?” asks he the obvious thing.

 “Yes,” Temari says as she puts the lighter away in her pocket – just to be safe; if she throws it onto the ground, Shikamaru might pick it up and finish what he started.

 “This man is the Akatsuki member,” Shikamaru says tensely – as if he thinks she doesn’t already know. “Whatever he told you – he lied to you. He’s dangerous.”

Temari laughs right at him – she knows that perfectly well, and if that could convince her, she wouldn’t be standing here right now.

Oh, Temari knows so well _how_ dangerous Hidan is – but he never lied to her, he was honest when she asked a direct question – and every other time.

She needs him – and he needs her, it’s obvious in his eyes, his touch, his voice – and it doesn’t matter she’s not the only one. Hidan is honest in his feelings, at least.

That’s why Temari doesn’t think twice before positioning herself between Hidan and Shikamaru, taking out her faithful fan.

 “Temari,” Shikamaru’s face twists in pain and confusion for a second, “You can’t be really...”

 “I won’t let you harm him,” Temari interrupts.

And there’s no doubt in her as she lands the first blow.

 

 “You know, I didn’t really expect you’d do that,” Hidan says thoughtfully. “Shit, that’s amazing.”

Temari forces herself to look away from Shikamaru’s body, now a bloody mess on the ground, and looks at Hidan instead. “You... you alright?” Her lips are dry, and she licks them nervously which doesn’t help that much.

Hidan grins wryly. “I will be once you untie me.”

Temari nods and comes up to him. She undoes the binds slowly and carefully, afraid to accidentally cause an explosion – her hands are shaking slightly, but she tries to stay calm. Hidan seems nervous, too – unusually pale, sweat trickling down his forehead – he barely even swears.

When he’s finally free, he holds her in his arms, laughing loudly and so happily. Temari freezes for a second but still hugs him back.

 “Fuck,” he says, “Jashin-sama sure favors me if he sent you here. I thought I was fucking done for.”

Temari shrugs awkwardly – but smiles too; because she was so afraid for him, even more so than the last time he got hurt.

And who knows, maybe this god of his really did bring Temari here – so that she could help Hidan.

 “Okay,” Hidan lets go of her. “Now we just have to...”

He doesn’t finish – a quiet noise makes them turn around.

Temari freezes as she sees – recognizes – Sakura, and an unfamiliar guy with Konoha forehead protector next to her.

There’s disbelief, almost fear in Sakura’s eyes; her companion, on the contrary, looks serious and collected, ready to attack any moment.

 “Temari?” Sakura asks carefully. “What are you doing here?”

Then she spots Shikamaru’s dead body – and seems to finally piece everything together. Now, she really is looking at Temari with fear.

 “You’re with him,” she says, her voice trembling with anger, “with this... murderer!”

 “Yeah, Temi-chan’s with me,” Hidan slides his arm around her waist, chuckling. “And we’re gonna kick your asses, right, Temari?”

Temari grits her teeth but nods, gripping her fan tighter.

 

The fight is over soon.

 

Temari looks at the corpses before her, and her mind is completely empty.

Except for one thought _– how could she?_

Shikamaru, the one she almost loved. Sakura, the one who saved the life of her brother. A shinobi she didn’t know, but he must’ve been a good person, too.

Nothing can be done about it, she can’t change anything – but Hidan is with her, isn’t this what you wanted? Temari laughs bitterly.

And takes off her forehead protector, crosses out the Suna symbol with one unsteady line.

Friendship and her duty before her village now seem so unimportant, so meaningless before Hidan’s dark eyes, his mad, surreal yet so sincere passion – passion she’ll burn in.

And she won’t be the only one.

Kakuzu appears so suddenly; Temari is surprised at first before remembering that he’s Hidan’s partner – there’s nothing strange in him being here.

What _is_ strange is the fact he wasn’t fighting by Hidan’s side – but judging by his messed up look, he had his own problems; their opponents must’ve separated them.

Temari is certain he’s been fighting Konoha shinobi, too; and guilt makes her insides twist painfully.

She could have done the right thing – could have helped her allies instead of rescuing a criminal, a member of the organization that’s threatening the whole world. She could have – but she didn’t.

Temari keeps silent when Hidan rushes to Kakuzu, hugs him hastily, tightly – presses him close, whispering, “You’re – fuck, you’re alive, I was so – that you might – fuck –” he almost chokes on his breath, trying to find words, “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know what those assholes planned, I didn’t.”

Temari doesn’t know what that’s all about, but it doesn’t really matter.

She doesn’t think she’s ever seen Hidan showing so much emotion, and it’s almost painful to watch now.

He wasn’t as happy to see her; but then again, she wasn’t in danger.

Kakuzu gently forces Hidan away and looks at Temari angrily. “What is _she_ doing here?”

 “Temi-chan saved me,” there’s a clear hint of irritation in Hidan’s voice – as though he’s protecting her. “And she’s coming with us.”

Temari could protest, but there’s no point in it; there was no way back for her.

And joining Akatsuki, to be fair, isn’t the worst option after what’s happened.

Thinking about it is so easy it almost scares her.

Is she really ready to betray her village, all she fights for and all she believes in – for Hidan?

The answer is simple – yes.

And the reason for it is simple, too.

Hidan is like a curse. An obsession. Just one taste of him – and you need more, stronger, but in the end it’s you who gives, and he – he only takes. Until there’s nothing left of you except this everlasting yearning for him to be near, no matter the cost.

 

They finally talk only almost a day after; when they’re far away, when they’re sure that no one’s at their tails and make a camp near a river.

Hidan says simply, as a matter of fact, “I love you both.”

This moment is when Temari realizes she’s made a wrong choice from the start – but it’s too late to back down.

 “Stop spouting nonsense,” Kakuzu says in an irritated voice. “I’m not playing these games. Just say who is it – me or her.”

Temari is silent, waiting for his answer.

Hidan... gives just the kind of answer she was expecting.

 “Both of you.” And adds hastily, noticing the way they look at him, “Fuck, just don’t make a scene now. I’m not shitting you, I really – love you both.”

Temari wants to doubt it, but she sees – he’s not lying, he can’t fake the look in his eyes and the emotions in his voice.

It’s just how he is, as far as she knows him – get hold of something, no matter the cost, and never let go.

Temari has no idea what to do.

She doesn’t think she can ever come to terms with something like this.

Meanwhile, Hidan continues – as if nothing’s wrong.

 “You should take a look at each other, too, if you know what I mean. It’s better – when we’re _together_ for real. The three of us.”

It’s as if a lightning strikes her as Temari understands _what_ he wants – she exchanges glances with Kakuzu, noticing the same confusion in his eyes – and looks back at Hidan.

“Oh, don’t make such faces,” Hidan sighs tiredly. “I’m just asking you to try.”

And before either of them manages to object, he says – almost pleadingly, “I don’t wanna lose you.”

 

That’s how it begins – painfully strange and unreal; Temari still can’t believe she let herself to be dragged into this.

_It’s just... she, too, doesn’t want to lose Hidan – not after when she’s just found him again._

 “Well, come on,” Hidan steps aside, looks at them hungrily, not taking his eyes off them.

Temari looks at Kakuzu silently, not understanding how it came to that.

‘Wrong,’ is pulsing in her head, ‘it’s not how it should be.’

Hidan keeps looking at them.

Frowning tensely, Kakuzu takes off his mask – slowly, almost as if he’s unsure. Temari wants to ask him to just get it over with, but her voice seems to be stuck in her throat – she can’t utter a single word.

Kakuzu touches her cheek, his hand dry and warm against her skin, and leans slightly closer. Temari looks into his eyes, because his eyes are probably the only thing in him that’s not off-putting. Temari wouldn’t call him handsome – or even remotely attractive – and the nasty stitches on his face only add to the overall unappealing look.

‘What does Hidan see in you? What would _anyone_ see in someone like you?’ she thinks but doesn’t say out loud, still somewhat fearing him – and the possible reaction.

But she doesn’t even try to hide her disgust, facing his irked gaze with something close to grim satisfaction.

Kakuzu exhales sharply, turns to the side, “Hidan. This is the most... idiotic out of all your ideas.”

 “Temari-chan is fucking rad,” Hidan objects – happy, almost delighted. “Don’t be like that, you’ll like her.”

What is supposed to be a compliment seems like the opposite, and Temari frowns. It’s useless to say anything – no one ever managed to argue Hidan down.

Kakuzu seems to understand that, too – because he suddenly kisses her, roughly and forcefully, no hint of tenderness in his moves. Temari closes her eyes, responds reluctantly – to her surprise, it’s not that disgusting; she just doesn’t feel _anything._

Incomparable to Hidan, definitely.

But if he wants a show – he can watch.

Not even a few seconds pass (though it seems like eternity) when Hidan suddenly is near them, pulls them both into a tight embrace and laughs quietly.

Happy.

_Bastard._

 

 “What the fuck are you upset about again?” Hidan frowns, and his grip on Temari’s shoulder tightens.

 “What is there to be _happy_ about?” Temari nearly spits. “How long are you going to mess with us?”

 “She’s right,” Kakuzu looks at him. “Why can’t you just–”

 “I just – can’t,” Hidan interrupts him. “I love you both. I’m not going to choose. That’s fucking it.”

He’s not going to choose.

Temari isn’t going to put up with this.

She frees herself from his grasp and walks away fast – not even knowing where. There’s nowhere for her, a traitor, to go – but she can’t stay here, either.

 “Where... wait, fuck, wait up!” Hidan catches up with her in but a moment, grabs her shoulder, forcing her to stop. “Temi-chan, what the fuck?”

This sweet nickname hurts somewhere deep inside, and Temari inhales sharply.

 “I... can’t.” She sees him trying to say something and doesn’t let him even open his mouth. “I can’t, Hidan. I want to be with _you_ , not someone else, and I don’t want to share you with anyone!” Temari punches his chest helplessly. “You... selfish, arrogant... you’re not even trying to understand!”

Hidan catches her hand, squeezes tightly, intertwines their fingers, and Temari forgets how to breathe – yet again.

 “Maybe I am selfish, Temi-chan,” he says. “But I love you. I love Kakuzu. I need you both. Equally. And I ain’t fucking repeating it a hundred more times. I won’t let you go.”

Temari closes her eyes, takes a deep breath.

 “Tell me you need me,” she asks.

Hidan pulls her closer, wraps his arms around her. “I need you.”

And again, Temari makes the same mistake of believing him as a few months ago.

 

Breathe in, breathe out – it’s almost as if her insides are freezing, and Temari bites her lips, trying desperately not to think.

All that is so awkward, so weird, full of unnatural stiffness – it’s not how it should be.

Hidan kisses her quickly, so passionately – moves away immediately, turns his head to respond to Kakuzu’s kiss. Temari doesn’t want to look at them, but what else is there to look at?

She’s pressed into the bed, under the hot weight of two bodies at once; instinctively, she’s trying to touch only Hidan, and Kakuzu seems to try the same, jerking his hand back each he accidentally touches her. Hidan is angry, cursing quietly; he doesn’t want them to focus only on him, wants them to give some attention to each other, too.

Disgusting – wrong.

Hidan’s wishes are their command, always – it’s a law that cannot be broken, cannot be defied.

But not now, when they hate each other so – almost to the point of physical sickness. When even looking at each other feels bad – not to mention touching.

Hidan says, almost mockingly, _we love each other_ , but he’s serious: he really thinks it’s true, that they ended up in this situation because all three of them wanted it.

Kakuzu leans to her, his face pressing into her neck, his dry lips brushing along her skin as he exhales, ‘hate you-kill you’, and Temari responds equally, leaving bloody scratches on his shoulders, wishing she had a blade in her hand.

Hidan’s watching, and his greedy, mad look is piercing them, tearing them apart; it’s as if he’s taming them, breaking them – again and again.

Temari wants to cry, but her eyes are dry; her chest feels heavy, all these feelings – love, anger, tenderness, resentment, _hatred_ – building up inside, suffocating her.

Oh, she hates them both right now, but she also _loves_ Hidan, and that’s why she does nothing.

 “I’m not going to fuck her,” Kakuzu says, turning to Hidan.

Temari hisses through her clenched teeth, “I don’t want that, thanks,” her voice breaks, forcing her to fall silent.

Kakuzu looks at her again, and there’s understanding – sympathy – in his eyes.

And the same pain.

Hidan drawls disappointedly, “You’re fucking ruining the mood,” he moves closer, holds them both, pulls them in. “Everything was great.”

It wasn’t, Temari thinks. And it won’t be – not like _this._

 “Then I guess I’m joining in,” he grins, as if not noticing their obvious _lack_ of desire.

Hidan always gets his way.

He doesn’t listen to any objections – or he doesn’t want to.

They just have to accept it.

And to be entirely honest, Temari thinks she’d like it – if she didn’t love Hidan so much, if she considered this simply a one-time thing to have fun. It’s always interesting to try out something new, right?

Hidan must be thinking exactly that.

But Temari _loves_ him.

Loves – and wants to be only with him, and him to be only with her. But even if he can’t do that, _that fucking selfish bastard who just can’t be satisfied with just one_ , he could at least have the decency not to force her to participate in this... farce.

Pretend that they’re so happy together.

It hurts, not physically, deep inside her – she almost feels her heart breaking, even though it’s such an outdated, stupid metaphor, right now it seems like a perfect description of her feelings.

She presses her lips, making no sound as they both push inside her. This doesn’t hurt; it’s uncomfortable, Temari isn’t used to – _god, they’re really going to fuck her at the same time_ – but she can handle that. She closes her eyes, squeezing Hidan’s palm that lays on her shoulder.

Hidan is behind her, and she doesn’t see his face; another crazy trick for her and Kakuzu to get a little closer. It doesn’t work, Temari thinks, watching Kakuzu turn away, looking over her shoulder only at Hidan.

Reluctantly, just to make herself more comfortable, Temari wraps one arm around his shoulder, scratching the skin with her fingernails again, looking indifferently as he winces at the pain.

Kakuzu holds her by her thighs, as if to make it easier for her, but his fingers dig into the sensitive skin so hard it feels more like he wants to tear her apart. Maybe he does, Temari wouldn’t be surprised.

_She wants the same._

Hidan smiles – she doesn’t have to see it, she just knows it, hears it in his voice, pleased and hoarse, full of arousal.

 “I told you it’s fuckin’ great,” he exhales, “fuck, I love you two so much.”

 “Shut up,” Kakuzu nearly growls, and Temari agrees with him in that – whatever Hidan says, it’ll only make things worse.

Because – just think, _love you two_ , how can he say that?

Why can’t he just decide who he really loves, and who he wants, mistaking passion for true feeling.

Temari doesn’t know, she has no idea who Hidan loves _more_ – even though he says he loves them equally, she knows it can’t be so.

 “Try to,” Hidan chuckles again, “shut me up.”

And he reaches over Temari’s shoulder, kissing Kakuzu – hard, deeply and so _lovingly_ that she can’t look at this – but doesn’t turn away, gritting her teeth.

As they break apart, she kisses Kakuzu, not even knowing why – it’s no more than a simple brush of her lips against his mouth, without any desire or pleasure; but she _does_ that, perhaps to hear Hidan’s satisfied sigh as he watches them.

She feels sick with herself – with everything, but _Hidan_ wants that.

As they start moving, their rhythm is out of sync at first, uneven; strangely enough, Temari still feels pleasure building slowly in her, and perhaps it’s because of Hidan – the way he’s whispering into her ear, so fast and quiet she barely comprehends, the way his hands stroke and caress her body; and oh, if only she didn’t feel anything towards him, it would be so great.

_But there’s nothing great or even good in this._

Hidan keeps repeating, ‘love you’, but Temari still hears that ‘two’ he said earlier in it.

 “I hate you,” Kakuzu breathes out, squeezing her throat.

Temari grabs a handful of his hair, pulls it hard – hoping it hurts at least a little, says, ‘hate you too’.

The look in his eyes is completely mad, full of pain; Temari probably isn’t looking any better now.

Hidan kisses the back of her head and her neck so gently and softly, and it hurts – hurts so much, turning her inside out. She wants to hurt him too, but it’s Hidan, nothing will get to him, and Temari can only hurt Kakuzu – as hard as she can, choking at the lack of oxygen; she bites into his lips until the salty taste of his blood fills her mouth, hits and scratches helplessly when she can no longer breathe; he releases his hold on her neck, and Temari opens her mouth, breathes in deeply as tears blur her sight.

Their hatred feels so sensibly thick around them, suffocates even more than merciless hands on her throat, and this hatred intertwines with love and violent, powerful desire in some twisted way – and at some point Temari loses sense of the reality, chokes on her own cry of pleasure, arching in their arms.

Right after, there’s emptiness.

 “Told ya,” Hidan laughs. “It’s so fucking amazing when we’re together.”

 “One more word,” Kakuzu backs away, “and I swear, I’ll find a way to kill you.”

He picks up his scattered clothes and heads to the bathroom – there’s a slam of the door, and then she hears loud sound of running water.

It’s the only thing she hears – probably his intention; not that she wants to think about it.

Temari looks at Hidan, but he just shrugs, still smiling.

 “He’ll be fine, don’t worry.” _A_ _s if she did_. Hidan kisses the corner of her mouth quickly, “He just needs to get used to it. Then it’s all gonna be great.”

Temari wants to hit him, but instead she closes her eyes and relaxes, laying her head on his shoulder.

Now, safe in his strong arms, she can pretend it’s just two of them – that there is no one else.

That Hidan is hers alone.

 

 “Do you love him?” Temari asks. “Hidan,” she clarifies for some reason, even though it’s obvious who she’s talking about – there’s no other options.

Kakuzu is silent for a long time, not looking at her. To be honest, Temari doesn’t really understand why she decided to speak with him; what they can even speak about?

She thinks it’s something like her conscience starting to wake up; as far as she knows, they already were in a relationship when this sudden spark flew between her and Hidan.

If Temari knew, she probably wouldn’t start anything; but it’s not her fault that Hidan’s a greedy bastard, wanting to have his cake and eat it too.

And, well, he’s doing quite good at that.

Still, Temari feels kind of uncomfortable.

No matter how much she dislikes Kakuzu, it’s not really about him – it’s about the damn unfortunate turn of the events.

If Temari never met Hidan, she’d be much happier now.

All of them would be, probably.

 “He’s all I have,” Kakuzu says finally, still not looking at her.

This sudden openness is somewhat... unsettling; Temari didn’t expect an answer like that.

And she doesn’t know what to reply to it.

 “I’m... sorry that I...” she starts but is interrupted almost immediately.

 “I don’t need your pity,” now Kakuzu does look at her, and even when his face is half-covered by the mask, it’s clear he’s mad – barely holding back. “Keep away from me. I’ll tolerate you because Hidan,” disgust is clear in his voice, “ _loves_ you, but we have nothing to talk about.”

Temari nods silently.

Well, she didn’t really hope for anything else. It would be foolish to think he’d just back down.

For some reason Temari reaches out, touching his shoulder; Kakuzu shudders and is about to say something, but she manages to speak first.

 “I really _am_ sorry,” she says carefully. “Sorry it came to that.”

 “Hidan would find someone else even if it weren’t for you,” Kakuzu replies quietly. “It’s how he is. And...  it doesn’t matter. Just leave me.”

Temari turns around, starts to walk away.

Yes, probably it’s just the way Hidan is. When you can’t get enough, no matter how much you’re loved – and you need someone else to be equally obsessed with you.

Obsession, Temari thinks, is the most fitting word to describe what she feels towards Hidan.

If you love someone, you let them go, but when you’re obsessed – you cling to them until the end.

Like she does.

Like Kakuzu.

Like Hidan.

 

It doesn’t get better with time – and, well, that’s to be expected.

They get perhaps more accustomed to this, accept it in a way – but it doesn’t get better. There are often times when Temari feels left out – unwanted. As though she ended up here by mistake, and she should be in an entirely different place.

She and Kakuzu speak rarely since that day, and never about what’s on their minds; but Temari sees, notices in his gaze – he feels the same way as she does.

Especially when Hidan’s hugging her in front of him, kissing her and whispering some dirty nonsense in her ear again. Kakuzu looks at them, and the expression on his face is as if he’s being torn into pieces in this very moment; not so different from Temari when it’s her watching them. And she supposes she should be gloating over that, but instead, all she feels is dull anguish.

She hates him – but not enough to laugh at his pain when she’s feeling the same.

They both are suck of what’s going on between them; but neither agrees to let Hidan go.

Perhaps it’d be easier if Temari were still a Suna shinobi – if she could only meet with Hidan once in a while, like she used before. But there’s no going back for her – after she openly helped the Akatsuki members, after she killed Konoha shinobi – her allies, her friends.

Temari remembers Shikamaru again – and chases away all thoughts of him.

There’s no point in reflecting on what could have been – if things are the way they are now.

She and Kakuzu hate each other, not even trying to hide it – oh, they’d be happy if they never had to meet or speak again. If only Hidan told them just who he wants.

But Hidan can’t be satisfied with just one of them, he needs both – and when Hidan needs something, they comply without a word. They barely say anything unless it’s necessary, barely even touch each other in the rare moments when Hidan makes them get in bed with him together. Kakuzu doesn’t like women, Temari doesn’t like Kakuzu – _what did Hidan even see in him,_ and no matter how much time passes, there’s nothing between them – no attraction, no desire, and surely – _the sheer thought is laughable_ – no love. Hidan seems to be quite alright – pleased with how it turned out, as though it’s what he longed for his entire life.

They long for Hidan, either for him to be theirs alone.

Hidan wants them both; so they have to accept it.

Temari sometimes curses the day and hour she met him.

But leaving now doesn’t just mean breaking her own heart; that, she could handle. Leaving now means admitting that Hidan isn’t hers; give him to Kakuzu – and that she can’t allow herself.

And so, Temari stays.

They both stay – hating each other so much it hurts; loving Hidan so much it hurts, too.

And each time he looks at one of them longer than at the other, it’s as if they die inside.

**Author's Note:**

> They say practice makes perfect, but I still feel like my English is terrible. I do apologize for any mistakes there might be, I've read it about a dozen times and I can't see anything anymore. :')


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